'Mindful Parenting' Reduces Stress, Aids Communication
By Alyssa Martina, publisher, Metro Parent Magazine
Mindfulness
is having a heightened presence of mind. It means moment-to-moment
awareness through paying attention, being intentional, focusing on the
here and now. Applying mindfulness to parenting yields positive results
for parent and child.
Engaging in "mindful parenting" can be one
of the greatest gifts you can give to your family—and yourself. It
allows for deeper, more meaningful connections with your children and
relieves a lot of the stresses associated with parenting. Some tips:
Focus
your complete self on your child. Pay attention and force yourself to
listen attentively. If you find your mind drifting, pause and bring
your attention back to the present moment.
Take a 10-minute break
two to three times a day to write down your lists: groceries, things to
do, people to call, and general reminders. Use these times to collect
your thoughts about things that need to be done in the future, so they
don't invade your time with your children.
Children often live in
moment-to-moment experiences like exploring the backyard or splashing
in the tub. Their expressions of awe, frustration, anger, sadness or
sheer joy capture how they're feeling at any given moment.
As
adults, we're often not as in touch with experiencing life in the
moment. Most of us live our lives with thoughts drifting from the past
to the future. When we're at home, we're thinking about what we need to
do at work; when we're at work, we're thinking about our "things-to-do"
list for when we get home.
What exactly does it mean to parent
in the moment? Chances are that even when you are present with your
children, your mind drifts. Over time, our children become very aware
that just because we may be near them, we aren't necessarily mentally
present and available.
Being a mindful parent means allowing a
clear awareness of the present moment to guide your activities,
communications, experiences and decisions as a parent. Mindful
parenting, when practiced correctly, leads to calmer responses.
Mindfulness in parenting ushers in a sense of control over how you will
respond in any number of circumstances. It allows you to focus on the
choices you have in responding to any given situation.
So, the
next time you feel overwhelmed, pause for a few moments and focus on
what surrounds you. Take a few slow deep breaths to allow yourself to
give your full attention to the present. Then ask yourself, calmly,
what is truly important at this moment. Of course, there are times when
we need to be swift in our choices regarding our children, but whenever
you can make calls out of a deep awareness of the situation, you are
going to be acting with clarity and purpose, rather than through
reactions, rigidity or the need to control. That's mindful parenting.
Here are some ways that you can work on incorporating mindfulness into your parenting style:
- Give your attention to everything that is before you. Soak in the surroundings of the moment, trying to take in every detail.
- Catch yourself when you find that you are not really listening or paying attention. Bring your attention back to the moment at hand. Remember that your attentive listening provides a signal that you value their ideas and feelings.
- When your child is playing, be a quiet observer. Quietly describe what he or she is doing.
- Spend a few moments watching your children sleep. Take that time to reflect on the moment and the peace that surrounds them.
- Notice the small changes in your children—how their voices have grown deeper or how their fingers have become thinner as they mature into adulthood. Give special thought to how they're developing at this precise moment.
Alyssa Martina is founder, president and publisher of Metro Parent Magazine. You can reach her at amartina@metroparent.com.